What Mother Forgot to Tell Me

Never go anywhere empty

handed, and never, ever

without duct tape.

Marry for love

the first time but always look

for a man who thinks he's right

but listens to you anyway.

Always carry pepper spray.

Sometimes the grass really is greener

on the other side. Especially if you live

next to neighbours who ignore

the watering restrictions.

If you can't say anything nice,

don't say anything at all and don't put it in

writing unless you want there to be evidence

later.

Honesty is your best policy

but sometimes white lies can help.

Be careful what you wish for.

A private detective is your friend.

That's what they're paid for.

Buy local.

Unless it's cheaper at Walmart.

Stay low and keep your head down.